Chapter Text
Colten woke up when he heard the door open to the motel room he, his brother, and his father lived in.
“Oh hey, kiddo I didn’t mean to wake you up,” Billy said softly as he closed the door and laid on the bed with them.
“It’s okay. I was trying to wait up for you anyways.” Colten said leaning into his dad.
The Gunns had been living in the motel for a few years now. Billy had been trying to find them a stable place for them to live since they were little kids. The lovely boys deserved a safe happy place to live. Not a mildew-ridden old motel room and playgrounds outside they can't even play on because there are pedophiles everywhere.
“Did you eat?” Colten asked softly trying not to wake Austin.
“Yeah, I had something at work.” He lied as he held him closely while watching the Adult Swim cartoons on the TV.
“I can tell when you’re lying Dad,” Colten replied as he handed him a bowl of mac and cheese.
“This is yours I can’t eat that bud. You’re a growing kid you need your food. I’m an old man I don’t need that much.” Billy tried to shove the bowl back to Colten. Colten was a stubborn kid as he forced the spoon of pasta into Billy’s mouth. The two of them compromised and shared.
“You’re too stubborn for your own good. It’s good though. Never let go of that.” He said softly into Colten’s hair. “Do you want me to brush your hair out before bed like I used to do? It’s getting long.” He mumbled as he took the comb and began to brush out his soft hair.
“I can brush my own hair. I’m 16 now. I’m basically an adult.” Colten grumbled and hit his hand away. It made Billy sad. He was never particularly close to Colten. It made him depressed. Austin adored him but Colten. Colten knew too much. He knew what Billy was doing when he said he was “working” and standing on that corner with the rest of them. whor*s and dealers. Colten was just happy Billy wasn’t whoring. He could deal with his father selling smack. He couldn’t deal with his father using it.
Colten was born in the back of a sh*tty trap house to a drug-addicted woman Billy thinks he loved. He couldn’t remember. He does remember when she was screaming in pain and begging for heroin while pushing out his first-ever child. He held that baby in a dilapidated trap house and cried true tears of joy while staring at his boy. He named him Colten and swore he would take the best care of him he could. He tried. He tried so hard to keep him safe and sound. But he didn’t have a real home and he was still so deep into addiction. Colten had every reason to hate him when he was moving him from homeless shelter to car to motels every few weeks. Colten slept in the bathtub for a full month because Billy didn’t want him to see that stuff. He wanted Colten to be better than him and due to that, his firstborn was now growing to hate him.
Austin was born in the cab of a semi-truck while Colten and Billy and the woman Billy still can’t remember the name of but he swears he loved her. They were trying to get to somewhere that Billy and her could get clean but she left them at the truck stop. A little four-year-old Colten and a newborn Austin crying up a storm still red and bloody. He washed his little boy in the truckstop sink and tried to get them to a hospital. They didn’t make it. So he got that kid into a shelter and they stayed there for a few years lying about being a domestic violence victim because it got them nicer housing. Then Colten got sick. Fever of 104 and Billy panicked. He had to get him to a hospital or he was going to lose his firstborn. His strong little boy and his co-parent.
They got there after a few hours of panhandling and eventually got to a county hospital ER. They checked him over. They also threatened to take both of his kids away. That’s why they’re here. The nurse who helped them, Anthony, knew a guy who ran a motel that let people live there for 150 a month. He then hooked him up with his buddy, Caster, a young drug dealer. A kid who thought he was hard and tried to act out like he had seen in the rap world and ended up too deep. He was trying to pay off the debt that he had racked up in his teens now in the four zeros kind of zone with interest. He was stuck for life now. Billy guessed he was going to be too. But thanks to the constant influx of cash due to this being a capital drug town, he was able to get Austin and Colten into school full-time. Even sucked a bit of dick and got them into that fancy catholic school. He wasn’t really religious, but if god was paying for education then he believed.
Austin yawned next to them stretching his little body. He was a bit smaller than he should be for his age. Billy felt responsible.
“Hey, kid, it's too late to be up. You have a bad dream?” Colten said to Austin softly. Their father cursed at himself for not getting over there fast enough to be a father. His kid was a better father than he was.
“I’m okay” Austin sniffled and cuddled up to Colten on the bed. Billy just stood there and watched as Colten took better care of his baby than he did. He tried to go over and help with Austin but the teenager blocked him by standing with his back to him as he helped Austin up and into the bathroom. Austin was prone to bed wetting which wasn’t great when they all shared a motel bed. Austin was small enough that he could tuck himself right into Billy’s side. It was a king-size bed luckily. The king bedrooms were saved for the families. There were only a few of them. Billy got lucky, well, more like he was better at sucking dick than everyone else. Austin used to sleep on his brother’s side until the incident.
A few months ago, the day after Austin turned twelve, Billy had woken up to moans. He woke up confused and found that Colten had his hand down his little brother’s pajama pants. He didn’t know what to do. The parenting books didn’t cover what to do when your kids start molesting each other. He thought he had done so good keeping those kids from that kind of stuff. He thought they were safe from people like that. Colten was old enough that he knew what was right and wrong. Or at least he had thought he was. What Billy didn’t know is that at their new school, Colten and Austin were being targeted by a fellow student. A nearly twenty-year-old senior named Jay White. He doesn’t even know how that kid got into St. Kathrines. He lived a mile away in the trailer park that Billy frequently dealt in. Jay had been dragging his kids into some nasty business with him. Cutting class to teach them how to have sex, teaching them how to lie to Billy and say that he was closer to 14 to get them to come to his trailer. He showed them how he wanted them to be, by showing them the hookers that stood by the corner store.
Colten thought it was a real relationship. It felt real when he was sitting in Jay’s lap in that dirty trailer during parties. He had felt so special when Jay had first come up to him. The older boy had come up to him in the bathroom and told him how pretty he thought he was and by the end of the day they were in the stall and Colten lost his virginity. He never felt so loved. Jay was all his until Austin tested out of the 6th grade and made it to the high school era of the building. Then Jay’s focus changed to the too-small boy who giggled at everything and was easily manipulated. So Colten had to try harder. He started skipping class more to meet his “boyfriend” in the bathroom to show him how much better he had gotten. It got weird when Jay’s friend, Juice, got out of juvie. Suddenly it wasn’t just Jay and Colten. Juice got in on the relationship. He got to use Colten as he pleased and Jay says that’s just how relationships are. Juice was disgusting. He smelled bad and he liked making Colten do gross things but it was worth it the night that Jay snuck him into his trailer for their one-month anniversary. He got to be there alone with him. There were candles and incense to hide the smell of weed. And all Colten had to do was steal some of his dad’s supply. That was the first time he shot up and suddenly, he realized why his dad used to do this so much.
After they got Austin back to bed, Colten and his dad sat together and ate the rest of the Mac and cheese together as Family Guy played on low in the back. Billy kept staring at Colten. He was looking more like him every day and it made him sick. He didn’t want to look at his firstborn and see himself. He wanted him to be a new different person. He stared long enough he saw something new. Track marks. On his baby. Billy gently took his eldest child’s arm.
“What are these?” He asked softly as he touched the scars.
“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” Colten said pulling his arm away aggressively.
“I’m not mad at you if that’s what you're worried about. I just love you and I don’t want you to go down this path. It’s not good for you Colt. I want you to have a good life. I know you hate me…” Billy said nearly in tears.
“I don’t hate you. Why do you think I’d hate you?” Colten asked softly and confused.
“I thought you’d hate me because of everything we’ve gone through. It’s all my fault. I’m not doing this to guilt you or anything. But It really is my fault. I’m trying so hard to make it up to you baby. Please don’t do this to yourself.” He was fully in tears now as the boy cuddled close to him.
“I still love you. I love Austin. I just. I found. A new love. He adores me. We’re so in love Dad. He’s amazing. He wants me to live with him actually. He says I can bring Austin too. He’s got a trailer.” As his baby said that his blood went cold.
“Don’t f*cking say that. That man doesn’t love you, Colt. Is he the reason you’re doing drugs? Did he convince you to molest your brother?” Billy tried to be quiet while he said it.
“No. No, I did the drugs myself. And I didn’t molest him. I just wanted to make him a little less pure. He’s so f*cking cute and innocent and people like that better! They don’t want me when he’s around! Jay was starting to f*ck him more than me! It’s not f*cking fair!” Colten was starting to break down. It was almost like a tantrum. He had never thrown tantrums as a child.
“Wait. He’s having sex with Austin and you didn’t f*cking stop him? He’s twelve! You’re supposed to protect him when I can’t and that includes school. I didn’t want to say anything but your school called last week. About you missing classes but I just…I ignored it because you told me you were being a normal kid. You promised me. You said you were playing with kids your age. That you were out at the coffee shop. Not shooting heroin in your twenty-year-old boyfriend’s dirty trailer. Not having him whor* you and your brother out.” Billy was angry now. He was pissed at Colten and himself for being such a dumbass he didn’t realize that he was a f*cking idiot and believed all of Colten’s lies.
“He loves me! He f*cking loves me! We’re going to get married and be happy!” Colten yelled at him.
“No! This is a delusional Colt! He’s not in love with you, he’s using you! Get up. Put on your coat we’re going on a trip.” Billy said and got up. Colten was silent when he listened to his father and picked up Austin putting him in the back seat of the sh*tbox that their father had bought a few weeks after they had moved. He drove them to the trailer park that Jay lived in.
“I deal here a lot. I’ve met a lot of people here and I want you to meet one of them.” The older man said as he pulled up to the curb. Max walked up to the car.
“Hey, Billy. What’s up, love? Do you have my stuff? Dad’s getting antsy for his special smoothies.” Max said leaning himself into the open window of the car. “Oh! Is this Colten? Hi! I’m Max. Wow, you really look just like your dad!”
“Hi, sweet boy. I’m trying to teach Colten some stuff and I was wondering if we could come over to the trailer and sit down and talk this all out.” Billy said holding Max’s hand.
“Oh yeah of course!” Max said as he got into the backseat where Austin had now woken up. “Hi, baby! Remember me?” Austin nodded and cuddled up to him as Max buckled in.
“Max babysits your brother when you’re off at Jay’s and I can’t be around to watch him.” Billy began to drive to Max’s home.
“You let a whor* watch my little brother?” Colten asked watching from the rearview window as Max looked ashamed.
“Don’t call him that. You’re not allowed to call him that when you’re out here letting that delinquent whor* you out in the school bathrooms. You and him are the f*cking same.” Billy said angrily as Max kissed the top of Austin’s head. They pulled up to a trailer with a large American flag in the front. Colten took everything in as he walked up to the trailer’s front door. There was a giant sign warning that trespassers would be shot.
“Jeez, this place is white trash personified.” Colten snickered as Max walked to the door and unlocked it. As they walked in there was an angry older man on the couch who walked up to Max. Colten assumed that was his dad. He began to beat the younger man brutally and all Colten did was watch. That’s all he did. He continued to watch as Billy snuck up behind Max’s dad with a bottle and hit him over the head knocking him out. He watched the way Max cried and reached up for Billy sobbing as he continuously thanked him. He watched as Billy cradled Max whispering soft words to him as Austin stood and cried. After a few minutes, Max finally got up and brushed himself off. He smiled brightly as he showed them around like a beaten housewife. Colten started to understand why his dad had brought him here when Max began to talk about his longtime boyfriend Adam.
“We’re on a break right now but I just know he’ll come back soon. He loves me so much. And I bet they were all just joking about him stealing all my money. I bet he already bought our house in California. And he’s going to surprise me now that Wardlow’s with Hook again and Mr. Brooks is dead.” Max said as he covered his bruises with concealer with a practiced hand.
“I’m sure he is, sweetie. I’m going to take Austin home and get him to bed. You’re going to spend the weekend with Max here. And we’ll see if you like this path you’re going down.” Billy said as he left him alone.
“Okay! See you on Sunday Billy!” Max said as he then turned to Colten. “Want me to do your hair? It’s getting matted. I know how to braid. I can show you how to take care of your curls. I’m excited. It’s like a sleepover!” Max sat Colten down on his bed and began to brush it out. “So tell me. What did you do to piss off your dad?”
“I fell in love with someone,” Colten said as he leaned his head back so Max could get a particularly difficult spot of his hair.
“Oh tell me more. What is she like? Or he? Whichever it is.” Max giggled as he took the teeth of the comb and gently untangled his hair.
“He is this older guy I go to school with. Jay’s so gorgeous. Like long hair and abs and he’s so nice to me. He’s my first relationship but I think we’re going to be together forever.” Colten began to gush about Jay as Max suddenly stopped combing his hair.
“Jay. Like Jay White? Down the block? Oh sh*t. You’re the kid he’s been selling. You need to get the f*ck away from him.” Max said seriously and suddenly the bubbly airhead whor* Colten thought he could use as a puppet disappeared.
“What do you mean?” Colten said softly. Max went back to the hair.
“He’s just like all the other guys in this trailer park. Don’t be like me. Don’t chase some piece of sh*t that’s just going to beat you and send you deeper into this life. I did it for fourteen years of my life. I said I was going to leave here and become something. Become something better. And now, here I am. With my drugged-up father, I help drug up, that beats me and still f*cks me and has been for years. It kind of pisses me off that you treat that man so badly.” Max said brushing his hair more aggressively.
“You don’t understand-“
“No I f*cking understand. You haven’t had a lot of love in your life. So you think that Jay is the end all be all of affection and love. But your father is doing everything to keep you clothed and fed. You know he got a real job, right? He wanted to tell you tonight but he found the track marks on your skinny little arms and it ruined his night. He got an office job, with daycare and benefits and everything. f*cking housing. He got housing and food stamps. You wanna see where you’re gonna live?” Max said taking out a beaten-up phone as he showed him a simple apartment, a two-bedroom apartment. “That one’s yours. The big room. Billy wants you kids to have your own rooms and he’d sleep in the living room. He was so excited to tell you. And you f*cking ruined it because you’re a selfish kid who can’t see what a good father you have. I would kill to have Billy as a dad.” Max threw the phone across the bed as he finished brushing his hair and began to braid.
“You don’t know anything. It’s not that great. I basically had to raise Austin. I had to raise myself! Sure he’s trying now but I’m 16 and it's too late!” Colten argued back as Max pulled at his head.
“I just got beaten by my drug-addicted father whose heroin needles I prepare. When I’m done, I will have to drag him back to bed where he will then grope me and call me by my dead mother’s name. When the weekend's up. You’ll go back to a loving father who got clean for you, who loves you two so much. Think about that.” Max said softly as he finished the first braid.
“I just…with Jay, I feel grown up. I feel complete. Like I don’t have to go home and be Colten Gunn son of Billy who’s trying so hard. He tries so hard and it makes me feel bad. I know he doesn’t want me to feel bad, he tells me himself that he’s not trying to guilt me. I know he’s not. I… I need to go home. I need to tell him I’m sorry.” Colten was crying now.
“Let me finish your braids and I’ll give you a ride home,” Max said kissing Colten’s forehead. Colten hugged him tightly. Max felt like he was looking at an alternate-universe version of himself. He wanted this kid to be good. He finished the braids quickly as he talked with Colten and asked him about his favorite things and how school was besides Jay. He drove him home but first, they drove past Jay’s place as Max needed some pills for his dad and it was a good way to show the kid what a bad person Jay is. As they walked in Jay was on the couch with a naked 14-year-old kid that Max knew as Nick Wayne, Phil’s newest boy, but Phil’s dead, and everyone’s got to adjust.
He swears he could hear Colten’s heartbreak. The boy stood there like a deer in headlights when he finally spoke.
“What the f*ck?” Was the only thing the boy could say to the older man.
“What? He puts out more and he’s prettier. It’s not like we're boyfriends.” Jay snorted and Juice began to giggle like a hyena next to them.
“You said you loved me. You said you wanted me to move in with you. Me and Austin.” Colten was starting to tear up.
“Oh please. He was trying to pimp you and your stupid little brother 'cause everyone at school knows you two are just crack babies whose druggie dad sucked the headmaster's dick!” Nick said as he smoked out of a crack pipe.
“And you thought that pedophile actually loved you and now you’re a p*rnhub cover boy.” Colten fired back as Max finally got his baggie of pills and he took the boy out of there.
Colten cried the whole drive back. Max held him in the car for a while. He finally stopped after thirty minutes and Max walked him into the motel room where Austin slept and Billy was filling out the paperwork for the new job. Colten ran in and hugged his father tightly.
“I’m sorry. You were right. You were so right. Max told me everything you’re the best father. I’m sorry.” The boy was crying again in his father’s arms.
“It's okay baby! It’s okay. I love you so much and I promise we’re gonna get you and Austin into therapy and daycares and after-school stuff and we’ll be normal. No more drugs, no more whoring, no more pieces of sh*t in our lives. Just completely normal. I promise this time baby. I promise.” He whispered into Colten’s braided hair. Colten didn’t know whether or not to truly believe it or that it was going to be permanent. But in that moment in his father's arms. Everything was okay. Colten was five again and everything was okay.
